Post by patdude1992 on Nov 12, 2008 0:23:17 GMT -5
Seven months ago, I met this girl, her name was Katherine. Over the summer we talked, everyday, we became best friends. We went to homecoming at our school together, talked all the time, were friends with the same people, life couldn't have been better. But in early October, I asked her out (basically to be in a relationship), and everything went great. We didn't spend as much time as I would have liked to, but that's just me. Something I didn't want her to know about me was about my smoking problem (not tobacco...) in which I was embarrassed about. After being arrested for the 2nd time for illegal substances, I was given a choice by my parents. It was to switch schools, or spend this coming summer in a rehabilitation program for teens or switch schools to a far away area. I couldn't take the rehab, it was too much, but I couldn't let myself let go of the school I was at now. I thought "if i can get rid of whats holding me to this school, the thing I loved most, I could move on with my life." But as many times as I tried, I couldn't end what we had. One day, when I was impaired (if you catch my drift), I started to start a rumor about myself, saying that I was cheating on her, and it went around school... fast. I did this because I was hoping she would leave me, and I wouldn't feel the pain of having to leave her myself. And the following week, I snapped back to my senses and tried to stop the rumor, I was going to talk to her directly, and take the rehab. But it was too late. She heard it, she was very very hurt by it. She believes I have been lying when I tell her the truth about this story, why I did it, the rumor I made up. Its been 4 days since I last got to hold her in my arms. After a month of dating, and many months of being great friends, both our relationship and our friendship ended, and even worse, I hurt her like I promised I never would. Since then, I stopped smoking inspite of this. I have done nothing but cry in my bedroom after school every day since she told me that she is going to move on, and me constantly talking and trying to make things right was making it difficult. I loved her so much, and I lost her because I was just an idiot. Now I cannot show my face in school again, I cannot see her, or her friends who now hate me for what they believe I did. I cannot get over her, Its interfering with my life, my friends and my health. I have gone back and fourth from suicidal thoughts to actually leaving the state. I'm 16 years old, I have been in so many relationships, but none as great and as impacting as this. Does anyone know the best way to let go, the best way to move on with my life and forget her. She has already done that, she has already gone and began searching for the person to replace me in her arms. I just need to let go but can't, call me sensitive, call me whatever you wish, but until you walk in my shoes, until you have lost someone you feel this way about, don't judge me. Please, can anyone tell me a way, or an idea to get her out of my mind, to end this madness that I created in my own mixed up head?
